Railing 4

How to get rid of this?

A sense of elation with this world. It doesn't feel real only ( or should I use "just") because it is a rare emotion . As if you are in a good dream where everything feels beautiful or infact , a dream in which u want to see only beautiful things . I am okay with ugly things in my day-to-day life. I am used to them. That is probably why I am not comfortable being in this dream.

When it started, i was sitting in a chair having just finished my dinner. Actually i don't think it started then. It must have been building up inside me - what with all the things that happened today. But it must have been then that i felt it. And I quickly switched off the tv. Watching TV had suddenly become repulsive. Wanting to experience some less-repulsive things, I grabbed a book that i have been engrossed in lately and started skimming through it. Page after page of gobbledygook. Paragraph after paragraph of deep-shit. Threw it away. Gliding over thin air, but desperate in search for something ,something external which could enhance or even justify what I was feeling inside, I walked over to my PC and and hitched onto the net. Started reading some book reviews. and then some random blogs. and then a few video clips of my favourite movie. Still nothing. Nada.

But through all this, I was still in that state. Walking in that very same dream. And i could do no justice to it. And the whole world I had built up around me could do no justice to it. Thats when i decided to get rid of it. But how?

Now I know.